shades of the sun

Sacrificed stability
For a compromised love
Sacrificed myself on a cross
For a compromised friend
Forever was suppose to mean,”the end”.
Sacrificed my positivity
For a compromised familiarity
Sacrificed my soul
For an artificial And compromised feeling of being “whole”
Sacrificed my heart
Had my heart Laying on the rail road tracks for you
Had my heart jump through hoops of fire
As long as you were fine and had all your desires
Had my heart bleeding and believing
That you’d be the blood that pumps through it
Had my heart fighting with my mind
Had my heart leaving my soul in a bind
Had my mind believe I was blind…
Had my soul believe it was worn out and worthless
Had my body feel useless
Had my eyes burn from tears
Had my whole being for years
Sacrificed all
And all I got in return
Was a compromised me.
I am not your left overs
I am not the one you turn to when all else fail you
Sacrificed time
Time and time again
Now,
I sacrifice my pain
In hopes of something better
I sacrifice my guilt
For faith in the most holy within me
I sacrifice my disappointments
For just a few beautiful moments.
I sacrifice my losses
For all the love there is to be gained
And I sacrifice negativity
For the full, loving, whole, worthy, uncompromised me

The fable
The tale
Of the intangible
Few words spoken
Truth was a golden token
To the ride of self realization
But somewhere
This tale;this fable
Of the intangible
Was eating the heart alive
Tears shedding on the inside
Don’t want to die
But there are no eyes
Just two whirlpools
Sucking those who love,nearer and closer
While the intangible causes some
To embrace the emotion
To leave the commotion of today
And find comfort in the wind
And the feeling of
Being
Whole.
Believe without Sight
Love with no chance
Of
It being returned
Trusting with the possibility of being burned
While a child calls out for a light in the sky instead of its mother
And holding a friends heart instead of a hand
Cause the lovers keep
Their physicality to themselves
And the rest
Of
The world
Lives
Off
The
Tale,the fable
The intangible.

Coming from the child within me
Is words and thoughts filled with scrutiny and insecurity.
They serve as my dictator
My only way up life’s elevator
They have been the electricity running through my veins
The reason I plead vanity rather than insanity
The reason my ego dances and recites tragic lines of my play on stage
The explanation and rationale of my behavior in detail
Causing confusion to avoid the truth
That the animal and child within run together in fields of gray
Keeping one eye open to protect
My emotions frailty
Because a lie to oneself in the mirror
Is caused by insecurity disguised as truth.

You are not a young queen
You are a product that was born on an imbalanced beam
You are not fascinating nor pretty
You are the epitome of loathing
And pity
You are
Not the answer to questions of the past and loved ones
You are a fatal distraction
A situation
An unthought sentence
A loner begging for existence.
You are not beautiful and you are not a queen
You are the phrase “everything is not what it seems “
You are a cry in the dark
You are a bucket full of tears
And the mirror never lies
Your eyes are the lies .

wakingtheromance:

Sometimes when I wake up, for a split second I forget who I am.

They are the best moments of my life…….

Desperate
Separate
Culprit
Mind is
Misguided
Confused
Many years abused
By silence
By the unknown.
Rain comes falling down
And always in the night
Chasing
Chasing you in the dark night
In the rain
You don’t need the unknown
I’m what you need
But your confusion
Blinded you
So you just
Could
Never
Ever
See.
The reality
Of
The merry go round of emotions
Between
You
And
Me

Eyes full of fog
Brain full of mirrors
Only reflecting
A cloudy judgement
On what is
And what is not
Self esteem forgot
Forgot me in these foggy mirrors
That live in my brain
Causing pain to my membrane
Posing as sane
Reflecting dragons,tigers,and gypsies
Into eyes filled with fog
Just a pinch of sunlight
Erases that haze in the eyes
Even if for a moment
Everything is clear
Is better than living in a brain filled with mirrors
Masked in fear.

The should’ves
And the could’ves
Standing on a line
In between right and wrong
But the Florida sun is just too hot
And the slaves in the field singin their song
rights and wrongs could never get along
Always a fight for the future
But it’s delayed by a breath
A breath that has been held in for too long
Forgot how to release it
Forgot how to exhale it all away
Holding this breath
For a future that won’t betray
Nor decay.

I admire and love when a woman takes back her dignity and throws away her sorrows for better tomorrows .